[ the cadets, both human and dragon alike, stare and whisper quietly whenever they think he isn't paying attention, some of them overt enough that they gossip even when he looks directly at them. it would be irritating or even disheartening if he wasn't already used to it; he's been back with the garrison and the corps for over six months now, and has had every opportunity to endure being stared at and poked and prodded and interrogated and tested, until the commanders couldn't think what else to do with him but let him lecture the cadets.
it's a waste, of course. he'd been a combat dragon before the mission to kerberos, under nine tons but a solid middleweight fighter, and now, after the galra experiments, he is impossibly over ten tons, his shoulders broader, his entire conformation subtly altered. adult dragons stop growing like all species and shiro had already reached his full growth long before kerberos, but whatever the druids had done to him had turned him into a heavyweight. they had, horribly, amputated his wings and given him impossible metal ones, white and red, with glowing blue points almost like feathers. They should have been too heavy for him to fly with, and for his shoulders to support, but they were so light he could almost forget they were there, and the metal itself nearly impossible to break. they didn't function like regular dragon wings; shiro had been forced to learn to use them in the galra gladiator arena. there were other changes, too, ones that he'd been too anxious about testing, but he thought he healed faster, needed a little less food, a little less rest than other dragons his size. he felt strange in his own skin, as if it didn't quite belong to him anymore.
but he understands the commanders' caution; he was a pow, when dragons almost never escape galra captivity, and he'd come back without his captain or his crew, which is even more unheard of, and horribly mutilated to boot. dragons that lost their captains sometimes ran wild and got themselves killed in suicide attacks, and were considered unreliable even if they managed to take on a new captain. putting him out on the battlefield with a new crew would be risky at best. shiro hadn't been able to bring himself to consent to a new captain, even though he could certainly carry bombs or a gunnery crew, but garrison didn't like to believe that dragons were intelligent enough to give orders themselves, and preferred to have a human captain aboard. the corps knew a little better, enough to argue that shiro could certainly be useful as a teacher.
so he can't complain, even when he hears the reports coming in of galra attacks on their outposts and the other bases established here on altea. the galra are slavers, and prefer to attack on the ground with infantry and their great war beasts, half animal and half metal, rather than shell planets from orbit with their fleets, which is the only thing that's allowed humanity to defend their scattered colonies. shiro's limited understanding from his captivity is that this was on the very edges of the galra expansion, which was why they weren't being bombarded daily by new cruisers dropping off thousands of troops.
all he can do for now is be obedient, and teach his classes, and hope that there are no disasters until he's cleared for the field again. he's been shunted into what the corps refer to as irregulars, made up of the handful of older dragons that had lost their crews or had never taken captains in the first place, and displaced crewmembers waiting to be assigned to new dragons. the cadets are a little shy of them, knowing that this could be their fate if they didn't bond with a hatchling by the time they graduated. there was nothing wrong with being on a ground or gunnery crew, of course, there were a million other jobs that needed to be done around dragons that weren't being a captain, but cadets usually had inflated ideas of fame and fortune around becoming a dragonrider.
almost worse than the cadets that whisper behind his back are the ones that try to make up to him, seeking him out for extra advice, extra training, usually transparent with their intentions when they ask him tentatively if he'd thought of taking on another captain. they ask if he wants to talk about it, they ask about his wings, and he puts them off with tactful excuses, or finds something else that he needs to do. the hatchlings are more respectful due to his size, for the most part, although there are one or two that don't have anything resembling common sense because shiro refuses to snarl at them like an animal and use his teeth. he knows exactly what garrison command would think about reports that he had "attacked" anyone, even an obnoxious hatchling that was well used to being nipped and chased and playfully clawed by their own yearmates.
keith doesn't ask. keith is the only one that lets him sit in silence, and doesn't try to fix him. he can't say that keith hasn't changed at all, in the year he's been gone, but keith doesn't act like shiro has changed beyond recognition, and it helps to have someone that actually knew matt, and was friends with him. matt hadn't been present at shiro's hatching, and they'd met when shiro was resigning himself to never having a captain at all and living without that special, intimate bond he'd heard about. shiro and matt had been friends, and they worked well together, even if their connection wasn't the deep visceral emotion he'd been led to expect. it still hurt, to think of matt and the rest of his small crew being swarmed by snarling creatures and torn away from him, calling his name in terror like he thought shiro could still rescue him. ]
Uh, professor? [ one of the cadets calls, even though shiro isn't really a professor, and he realizes he'd paused in the middle of his lesson, wings drooping, staring in silence at the wall of the huge bunker he was projecting his visuals on. he shakes himself and meets keith's eyes, dark and concerned, for just a moment before he forces himself to continue. ]
[ Keith knows that he's changed since the mission to Kerberos. Maybe it's not as obvious as the changes in Shiro, but he's sure that the dragon can tell that he's not quite the same, either. He'd let the grief over the loss of the Kerberos mission, the loss of Shiro and Matt, change him, harden up his edges and raise up his walls, and even Shiro coming back couldn't undo that, not all at once. Not after so much time. But it's not Shiro's fault, and even though he continues to push away everyone else, it's all too easy to slip back into being friends with Shiro - he doesn't really have to try to treat him the same as always, it just kind of happens, once he's over the initial shock of seeing how much bigger he is, how different his wings are now. But it's really just physical changes - deep down, he's the same caring, gentle Shiro that he's always been, even after having to go through so much.
He's still going through a lot, and it makes Keith angry and frustrated to watch it happening. Things should have been better when Shiro came back, they should have taken care of him, listened to his reports, tried to use what he knows to rescue Matt and any other survivors. Instead, the Garrison and almost everyone there are treating him... badly. It's not like they're hurting him, but Keith knows that they had done their own poking and prodding at the Galra's alterations, and it took them way too long to let him become a teacher - to let him do anything. Even now, they're treating Shiro with distrust, as though he might snap at any moment. He's heard the stories about other dragons losing their captains and going mad, the prisoners of war who became unstable and dangerous due to trauma, but Shiro isn't like that. He can see it in the way that the dragon has acted since he returned, in the way that he doesn't so much as lift a claw to reprimand unruly hatchlings where other dragons would be nipping at them until they learned how to behave. Shiro has never been harsh with hatchlings or humans, but this is something extra, a new level of caution that puts Keith's teeth on edge. He shouldn't have to walk on eggshells to keep his freedom after managing to escape something horrible. This is supposed to be somewhere that he can feel safe and appreciated.
Keith has gotten into more than a few fights over the stupid rumours being circulated, scuffles that he inevitably wins, if they don't get quickly broken up by disapproving officers. The other cadets still haven't learned to watch their mouths, though, and they're not the only ones whispering about how strange it is for a dragon to be captured, to escape, to not go into a suicidal frenzy over the loss of their captain. He's treading a thin line towards disciplinary action, and he's pretty sure that if he punches the wrong person for saying something unpleasant, he's going to get himself kicked out of the Garrison, excellent test scores or not.
He's also sure he doesn't care about that.
He does care about Shiro, though, and he can't help frowning in concern when the dragon falls silent during one of his lessons, seemingly spacing out. That's... not good. He waits after the end of class, dawdling with purpose as the other cadets disperse. ]
[ by all rights, keith shouldn't even be in this class. shiro had expected to come back and find him shuffled even closer to graduation, pushed by his scores and the almost embarrassing thirstiness garrison had shown for his piloting skill. shiro had even had to argue, once, that it would be a terrible idea for keith to be jumped a year, thrown in with older cadets that would resent him even worse than his yearmates did. they'd chosen to listen to him, then.
but in his absence it seems like keith's scores had dropped, and the instructors didn't look on him with the same favor they used to. he'd been getting into fights, shiro heard, vaguely, and nobody liked to say why, which meant that keith had been getting into fights about him. more importantly, he hadn't bonded with any hatchlings even after an entire year, nor had any of the older dragonets shown an interest. it shocks shiro down to his bones: keith was born to fly. it had been their private joke, once upon a time, that keith should have been born the dragon and shiro the human, keith with his temper and his fighting spirit and his almost unnatural affinity for piloting, and shiro with his patience and aptitude for teaching.
he'd thought, during the long hours of his captivity, that keith might bond to a dragon in his absence and become part of a rescue mission. it was something he could see keith doing, maybe with a half-grown hatchling as fierce and wild as he was, both of them refusing to stay behind. keith and a fire-breather, maybe. he'd thought when he escaped that he would come back only long enough to insist that garrison mount the rescue he had been waiting for all year, the one they should have done on their own, and shiro could check in on keith, and he had played out the conversation in his head that he would have, if keith had a vulnerable hatchling with him. he had expected to have to be the voice of reason, to tell keith that the hatchling needed him more than shiro did.
but there is no hatchling, and keith's career isn't on the path it should have been, and shiro can't help feeling that this is his fault. at the same time, though, he can't be upset that keith is upset. he can't even tell keith that looking after his own career is more important, when shiro himself has had moments where he'd considered simply leaving, and trying to rescue matt on his own if garrison won't do it. keith would encourage that, probably. keith would probably throw his future away to come with him.
the other cadets and dragonets filter away into the echoing space of the hangar. it's hard to have privacy in such a huge building, and shiro knows that people will have seen keith staying behind to speak to him. for the sake of appearances, he doesn't let himself droop or look as tired as he feels, and occupies himself with putting away the dragon-sized controls and tools until they're alone, and he can sit on his haunches and glance down at keith. ]
Don't tell me you have a question about the lesson, [ he says gently, joking, knowing full well that keith had already learned everything he'd covered today several years ago, and him being here had to have been a punishment, or keith's own insistence on taking shiro's classes when he didn't need to. neither are good things. ]
[ It's not like Keith hasn't tried to bond with a hatchling - he's gone to every hatching over the past year, sat among the other cadets jostling for attention and held out hope. It's just that... that hope has faded, steadily, as he's been ignored time after time, and he can't really blame the hatchlings, either. He has enough trouble making connections with other humans, and he knows that he doesn't exactly look approachable, and, well. After hearing the reports of Matt and Shiro's mission to Kerberos being attacked, he hadn't been able to think of much else, and he knows that he probably looked tired and angry most of the time since then, even at the hatching grounds. He's not surprised that the hatchlings and even the older dragonets would rather choose no-one than choose him. No, it's not surprising... but it does hurt, a little. Even though Shiro and some of the older dragons like him, they're all already taken.
He still thinks of Shiro as being taken, even with Matt gone - he's sure that Matt must be alive, still, no matter what the Garrison says. The Galra like taking captives, taking slaves of various stripes, and Matt is smart enough not to get himself killed if he can avoid it by being captured and biding his time until rescue or escape. The longer he's gone, though, the less likely that becomes, and it makes Keith so angry that the Garrison refuse to even try to mount a rescue mission - so many things make him angry, lately, and he's never been that good at controlling his temper in the first place. He's sure Shiro must be frustrated, too - the dragon hasn't chosen a new captain, has outright avoided putting himself back into any kind of combat role, and teaching suits him, but it must be maddening, not being able to do anything. ]
No, it's not that. [ Keith shakes his head, smiling faintly at Shiro's gently joking tone. Of course he doesn't have a question about the lesson itself, he's learned all of this already, but his performance has dropped sharply enough that no-one questions him taking all of Shiro's lessons. Sometimes he even gets assigned to the class as a punishment, as though taking remedial classes is what he needs - lectures to calm him down.
That's not going to work. ]
I just, uh. [ He pauses - it's hard to get privacy in such a huge space, but at least they're alone now. Still, he's a touch cautious. ] ... I was wondering if you wanted to take a break from working so hard.
[ working so hard. that might almost be funny, although shiro knows keith hadn't meant it as a joke. shiro used to fly patrol routes and combat missions and scientific missions for matt, who had been pulled away from his research with the science division when he and shiro had bonded unexpectedly, and shiro still somehow found time to assist with classes when he could. his schedule now is a bare fraction of that, and mostly consists of endless reports repeating things he'd already said, preparing and teaching his handful of classes, and running the combat obstacle course alone, at night, when there was less chance of gawking spectators. it gives him far too much time to think, and to brood over everything that's happened.
but if he has too much free time now, at least he doesn't have to make excuses to anyone to find time for keith. matt had never minded, believing firmly that dragons should be allowed to have friends like any other sentient being, and he didn't care if keith and shiro spent time together or if shiro felt like going somewhere by himself. other riders had looked sideways at them for that, given the way the garrison deliberately preached about the unbreakable devotion between dragon and captain, but shiro had never felt like he was being disloyal or too independent just because he and matt didn't spend every second of the day together. there was no reason to encourage dragons to believe that they couldn't do anything when their riders were gone, and that all they had to do with their time was sit and wait, like a powered down machine, until their captain was with them again. and shiro liked being around the cadets and hatchlings, while most dragons were happy when their promotions to combat class got them away from the training facilities.
he ought to tell keith that he's fine, that he doesn't need to be fussed over just because he spaced out during a lesson. he's been aggressively fine ever since he got back, and he's practiced at faking it, but he ducks his head a little, unconsciously, rubbing a claw against the side of his head in rueful embarrassment. ]
I'm fine, Keith, I'm just-- a little tired. [ dragons can't smile, of course, but he noses at keith's shoulder gently. ] I don't have another class today, though, and all I was going to do today was practice maneuvers and maybe run the obstacle course. Did you have something in mind?
[ Keith hadn't really meant it as a joke, no - he just didn't know how else to put it without prying too much into things Shiro clearly didn't want to talk about. He's glad when Shiro seems amused, even if he can't smile, and he's relieved that the dragon doesn't deflect him by being aggressively fine like he tends to. He still says that he's fine, of course, but at least he's admitting that he's tired, which is more than Keith has heard him say to anyone else.
He raises a hand to pat Shiro's nose when the dragon bumps his shoulder with it, characteristically gentle in the motion, and he smiles with an eagerness that's been lacking from his life, lately. ]
I'd like to watch you run the obstacle course. [ Watching Shiro fly and navigate obstacles was always exciting - Matt had liked to tease him about how much he liked watching Shiro follow the same course every day, shaking his head and wondering if Keith would ever get bored of it. Matt preferred to spend his time studying while Shiro was busy, catching up on what scientific journals he could get his hands on, going against the Garrison's insistence on riders and dragons spending all their time together. Both Matt and Shiro had been happier when they didn't try to force themselves into that kind of co-dependence, Keith thought. ]
And, uh, after you're done, maybe we could... race to the shack? I've been working on my hover-bike, she goes really fast now.
[ it's probably vaguely seditious, to imply that the garrison isn't the absolute authority on managing dragons. perhaps it comes from shiro's own somewhat lackluster experience as a hatchling, waiting for that special, precious rider that would form some kind of intensely emotional bond with him at first glance, and waiting, and waiting. he'd been told to be patient, to be obedient, and he was sure to meet his match. there were other hatchlings from his clutch that hadn't found their partners immediately, either. it was a long, long time before he let himself consider the idea that just being obedient and learning his maneuvers was not going to automatically ensure him a rider. he would have to make something of himself, alone.
and matt, too, hadn't come from a proper rider background, and hadn't had the same lectures repeated at him that the other cadets did. matt had no illusions that he knew more about aerial combat than shiro himself. both of them were probably bad influences on keith, in hindsight.
it's considered gauche for someone who wasn't a rider to pet a dragon's face and the softer scales of the nose, and a responsible adult dragon wasn't supposed to encourage attachment. shiro deliberately ignores all of that, and hums approvingly under keith's hand, even angling his head to get keith to continue his petting. keith had never been awkward about touching him. ]
You've seen me run the obstacle course a thousand times, by now, [ he rumbles, pretending it's not endearing that keith never gets tired of watching him train. ] You'd rather race.
[ shiro would rather race too. the isolation of the desert highways appeals to him, along with the thought of a blazing hot sun and nice warm thermals, and he secretly, guiltily loved watching keith push his hover-bike into dangerous maneuvers at breakneck speed. ]
Loser has to scrub all the sand off the winner. [ he says, as if it's a given that he'll win, as there isn't much chance of him being able to groom keith in reverse. ]
And-- I should show you something, when we're alone.
[ In Keith's mind, it just makes sense to listen to a dragon when it comes to something like flying, something they can do naturally. He'd first been attracted to watching dragons flying, to watching Shiro flying, running the obstacle course, but it had been the mutual respect and friendship that he'd seen between Shiro and Matt that had really made him stick with the pair. The Garrison might have their reasons for pushing the ideas that they do, for drilling obedience into the dragons in their care, but Keith always thought it was strangely old-fashioned, and his distaste for the prevailing attitude has only intensified. Which might be something to do with Matt and Shiro's influence, but he's always had a bit of a rebellious streak in him, and it didn't help that he never bonded with a hatchling despite his own attempts at patience and obedience.
If he ever does bond with a dragon, he's determined to treat it the same way he does Shiro, more or less, even if the other riders and dragons at the Garrison look at him askance for it. They do already, anyway, because of how easily he touches Shiro's face despite not being a rider himself yet. Matt had never minded, and it made Shiro happy.
He smiles as Shiro hums in approval, and takes the hint to keep petting his face, stroking a hand over his nose, where the scales were softer. ]
Well, yeah, but that doesn't mean I'm tired of it. [ He'd happily watch Shiro run the obstacle course another thousand times, but he has to admit that the dragon has a point. Racing with him is a little more exciting. ]
Oh, you're on. You'll be licking sand out of my hair in no time. [ His smile turns into a grin - there isn't much chance that he'll beat Shiro, realistically, but he never shies away from the challenge of it, especially when Shiro sounds so confident. ]
[ there, he's said it out loud, and now he can't shrink from the thought any longer. he's supposed to obediently report any changes that he notices, any memories he recovers of what's been done to him, but shiro wasn't hatched yesterday. the garrison is interested in what the galra did to him. eagerly, offensively interested. he knows better than to hand them the revelation that he's capable of changing his form, now.
but keith should know what's happening to him. keith is the one person that he knows, bone deep, won't betray his confidence, and maybe talking to keith about it will calm some of the panic he keeps suppressing. shapechanging is only supposed to happen to a dragon in a bonded pair, and after years of exposure to human DNA, or something along those lines. the human scientists were at a loss to explain its specific mechanics, and the dragons themselves didn't have any answers either. it was just something that happened, they said.
shiro is sure it's not something that just happened to him. the galra must have something to do with it, and that frightens him more than anything. only bonded dragons with long-term partners and deep emotional connections have ever been reported to shapeshift.
he doesn't let any of that anxiety into his voice or his manner, huffing over keith's hair to ruffle it into a mess. ]
I'll take a weight handicap, and ask one of the ground crews to put me in harness.
[ he says it like he's doing keith a favor, but the truth is he's uneasy these days about going anywhere without proper equipment for a battle. he doesn't care if it's unfounded paranoia. if anything, anything should happen, he has to be able to fight or flee and carry keith with him. his crew had been on the ground when they were attacked.
which is why he can't even carry the pretense that the harness is a whim, and after a bare second he puts his head down anxiously despite himself. ]
...and you should bring your flying harness. And a weapon. Just in case.
[ Keith has no idea what Shiro wants to show him, but it must be important if the dragon wants to keep it private between them. Even though he's just an unbonded cadet, he's noticed the way the Garrison officials and scientists look at Shiro sometimes, and it just - it pisses him off. So much about this situation makes him angry, a little ball of tension swirling in his gut that just won't go away.
Except for when he's with Shiro, alone, like this. Somehow, being around the dragon calms him down, lets him relax. He makes a mock-offended noise at having his hair so thoroughly messed up, and attempts to straighten it out.
He'd be offended at Shiro taking a weight handicap, but... then the dragon's anxiety shows itself, and Keith has to pause, voice getting softer. ]
Shiro...
[ He can't blame Shiro for wanting to be careful. They should be safe, the shack is out in the desert but it's not that far from the Garrison, well within safely protected territory. Galra raiding parties never get that deep, even when they manage to breach border defences. But still, if there's a chance that something could go wrong... ]
Nothing's going to happen. But I'll go get my harness - it'll even us up a little. [ Not that Keith's flying harness is anything like a comparable weight to Shiro's. ] And you know I'm always armed.
[ the teacher in him automatically wants to say something about keith carrying that knife everywhere, which matt had confirmed for him was not typical teenage human behavior. the paranoid part of him, however, approves. he'd known objectively that humans were small, vulnerable creatures without scales or natural weapons, he'd grown up seeing their successes and limitations in combat.
it had never bothered him as much as it does now. his tail lashes once, like a cat's, as he tries to make himself believe keith's assurance. of course it was highly unlikely that they'd be attacked so near the base, and of course shiro is an experienced veteran, well-trained in dozens of different emergency scenarios. this is normal for them, and vital for keith, who needs the outlet of escaping the base's walls from time to time. he doesn't know why he's acting like a newly bonded hatchling all of a sudden, spooking at shadows.
well. he does know, but he can't let himself dwell on his own feelings. the garrison doesn't have any use for dragons or soldiers that are afraid. ]
You're right. [ it would, he knows, be beyond irresponsible for him to encourage keith to carry a gun he doesn't have a permit for. ] I'm sure nothing will happen.
[ It wouldn't take much encouragement for Keith to try carrying a gun, and honestly, he'd considered mounting some onto his bike a few times. But not only would that potentially get him into some very deep water with the Garrison if he got caught, it would add weight to a bike that he's spent a long time tuning for its speed. It's a racer, and it would be stupid to compromise its speed in an attempt to make it anything else - if anything ever does happen, it'll be better to be able to outrun the enemy and escape to raise the alarm, rather than sacrificing that vital advantage.
Besides, he's going to be sticking close to Shiro. With a veteran dragon watching his back, he should be fine. Just being with Shiro makes him feel safer, calming some of his more paranoid instincts.
He's still never let go of his knife, though. ]
It won't. [ He reassures Shiro, again, then pats his nose and steps back. ] Alright, I'll meet you at the gate once I've got everything.
[ right. and if he doesn't let keith go get ready, this won't happen at all.
it takes longer than he'd like to get rigged out, mostly from him having to argue with the ground crews over why, exactly, he needed to be put in harness when he didn't have a captain or a specific assigned mission. more human rules, irritating in their restrictions on his freedom. after being held captive by a hostile force, it's more than a little maddening to be constrained by his own side.
but he argues, and the ground crews have other work to be done and no senior officer in sight to foist shiro off on, so they put him in a scout rig, the lightest and briefest harness. shiro almost says something about his desire for more armor, and swallows it down. that's just... something he needs to get over.
the flight tower accepts his request without question, at least, perhaps assuming by his rig that he was on assignment, or that the labcoats wanted him to perform for testing again. he lands at the gate in a flurry of wings, snorting the dust from his nostrils. ]
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dragon!shiro
it's a waste, of course. he'd been a combat dragon before the mission to kerberos, under nine tons but a solid middleweight fighter, and now, after the galra experiments, he is impossibly over ten tons, his shoulders broader, his entire conformation subtly altered. adult dragons stop growing like all species and shiro had already reached his full growth long before kerberos, but whatever the druids had done to him had turned him into a heavyweight. they had, horribly, amputated his wings and given him impossible metal ones, white and red, with glowing blue points almost like feathers. They should have been too heavy for him to fly with, and for his shoulders to support, but they were so light he could almost forget they were there, and the metal itself nearly impossible to break. they didn't function like regular dragon wings; shiro had been forced to learn to use them in the galra gladiator arena. there were other changes, too, ones that he'd been too anxious about testing, but he thought he healed faster, needed a little less food, a little less rest than other dragons his size. he felt strange in his own skin, as if it didn't quite belong to him anymore.
but he understands the commanders' caution; he was a pow, when dragons almost never escape galra captivity, and he'd come back without his captain or his crew, which is even more unheard of, and horribly mutilated to boot. dragons that lost their captains sometimes ran wild and got themselves killed in suicide attacks, and were considered unreliable even if they managed to take on a new captain. putting him out on the battlefield with a new crew would be risky at best. shiro hadn't been able to bring himself to consent to a new captain, even though he could certainly carry bombs or a gunnery crew, but garrison didn't like to believe that dragons were intelligent enough to give orders themselves, and preferred to have a human captain aboard. the corps knew a little better, enough to argue that shiro could certainly be useful as a teacher.
so he can't complain, even when he hears the reports coming in of galra attacks on their outposts and the other bases established here on altea. the galra are slavers, and prefer to attack on the ground with infantry and their great war beasts, half animal and half metal, rather than shell planets from orbit with their fleets, which is the only thing that's allowed humanity to defend their scattered colonies. shiro's limited understanding from his captivity is that this was on the very edges of the galra expansion, which was why they weren't being bombarded daily by new cruisers dropping off thousands of troops.
all he can do for now is be obedient, and teach his classes, and hope that there are no disasters until he's cleared for the field again. he's been shunted into what the corps refer to as irregulars, made up of the handful of older dragons that had lost their crews or had never taken captains in the first place, and displaced crewmembers waiting to be assigned to new dragons. the cadets are a little shy of them, knowing that this could be their fate if they didn't bond with a hatchling by the time they graduated. there was nothing wrong with being on a ground or gunnery crew, of course, there were a million other jobs that needed to be done around dragons that weren't being a captain, but cadets usually had inflated ideas of fame and fortune around becoming a dragonrider.
almost worse than the cadets that whisper behind his back are the ones that try to make up to him, seeking him out for extra advice, extra training, usually transparent with their intentions when they ask him tentatively if he'd thought of taking on another captain. they ask if he wants to talk about it, they ask about his wings, and he puts them off with tactful excuses, or finds something else that he needs to do. the hatchlings are more respectful due to his size, for the most part, although there are one or two that don't have anything resembling common sense because shiro refuses to snarl at them like an animal and use his teeth. he knows exactly what garrison command would think about reports that he had "attacked" anyone, even an obnoxious hatchling that was well used to being nipped and chased and playfully clawed by their own yearmates.
keith doesn't ask. keith is the only one that lets him sit in silence, and doesn't try to fix him. he can't say that keith hasn't changed at all, in the year he's been gone, but keith doesn't act like shiro has changed beyond recognition, and it helps to have someone that actually knew matt, and was friends with him. matt hadn't been present at shiro's hatching, and they'd met when shiro was resigning himself to never having a captain at all and living without that special, intimate bond he'd heard about. shiro and matt had been friends, and they worked well together, even if their connection wasn't the deep visceral emotion he'd been led to expect. it still hurt, to think of matt and the rest of his small crew being swarmed by snarling creatures and torn away from him, calling his name in terror like he thought shiro could still rescue him. ]
Uh, professor? [ one of the cadets calls, even though shiro isn't really a professor, and he realizes he'd paused in the middle of his lesson, wings drooping, staring in silence at the wall of the huge bunker he was projecting his visuals on. he shakes himself and meets keith's eyes, dark and concerned, for just a moment before he forces himself to continue. ]
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He's still going through a lot, and it makes Keith angry and frustrated to watch it happening. Things should have been better when Shiro came back, they should have taken care of him, listened to his reports, tried to use what he knows to rescue Matt and any other survivors. Instead, the Garrison and almost everyone there are treating him... badly. It's not like they're hurting him, but Keith knows that they had done their own poking and prodding at the Galra's alterations, and it took them way too long to let him become a teacher - to let him do anything. Even now, they're treating Shiro with distrust, as though he might snap at any moment. He's heard the stories about other dragons losing their captains and going mad, the prisoners of war who became unstable and dangerous due to trauma, but Shiro isn't like that. He can see it in the way that the dragon has acted since he returned, in the way that he doesn't so much as lift a claw to reprimand unruly hatchlings where other dragons would be nipping at them until they learned how to behave. Shiro has never been harsh with hatchlings or humans, but this is something extra, a new level of caution that puts Keith's teeth on edge. He shouldn't have to walk on eggshells to keep his freedom after managing to escape something horrible. This is supposed to be somewhere that he can feel safe and appreciated.
Keith has gotten into more than a few fights over the stupid rumours being circulated, scuffles that he inevitably wins, if they don't get quickly broken up by disapproving officers. The other cadets still haven't learned to watch their mouths, though, and they're not the only ones whispering about how strange it is for a dragon to be captured, to escape, to not go into a suicidal frenzy over the loss of their captain. He's treading a thin line towards disciplinary action, and he's pretty sure that if he punches the wrong person for saying something unpleasant, he's going to get himself kicked out of the Garrison, excellent test scores or not.
He's also sure he doesn't care about that.
He does care about Shiro, though, and he can't help frowning in concern when the dragon falls silent during one of his lessons, seemingly spacing out. That's... not good. He waits after the end of class, dawdling with purpose as the other cadets disperse. ]
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but in his absence it seems like keith's scores had dropped, and the instructors didn't look on him with the same favor they used to. he'd been getting into fights, shiro heard, vaguely, and nobody liked to say why, which meant that keith had been getting into fights about him. more importantly, he hadn't bonded with any hatchlings even after an entire year, nor had any of the older dragonets shown an interest. it shocks shiro down to his bones: keith was born to fly. it had been their private joke, once upon a time, that keith should have been born the dragon and shiro the human, keith with his temper and his fighting spirit and his almost unnatural affinity for piloting, and shiro with his patience and aptitude for teaching.
he'd thought, during the long hours of his captivity, that keith might bond to a dragon in his absence and become part of a rescue mission. it was something he could see keith doing, maybe with a half-grown hatchling as fierce and wild as he was, both of them refusing to stay behind. keith and a fire-breather, maybe. he'd thought when he escaped that he would come back only long enough to insist that garrison mount the rescue he had been waiting for all year, the one they should have done on their own, and shiro could check in on keith, and he had played out the conversation in his head that he would have, if keith had a vulnerable hatchling with him. he had expected to have to be the voice of reason, to tell keith that the hatchling needed him more than shiro did.
but there is no hatchling, and keith's career isn't on the path it should have been, and shiro can't help feeling that this is his fault. at the same time, though, he can't be upset that keith is upset. he can't even tell keith that looking after his own career is more important, when shiro himself has had moments where he'd considered simply leaving, and trying to rescue matt on his own if garrison won't do it. keith would encourage that, probably. keith would probably throw his future away to come with him.
the other cadets and dragonets filter away into the echoing space of the hangar. it's hard to have privacy in such a huge building, and shiro knows that people will have seen keith staying behind to speak to him. for the sake of appearances, he doesn't let himself droop or look as tired as he feels, and occupies himself with putting away the dragon-sized controls and tools until they're alone, and he can sit on his haunches and glance down at keith. ]
Don't tell me you have a question about the lesson, [ he says gently, joking, knowing full well that keith had already learned everything he'd covered today several years ago, and him being here had to have been a punishment, or keith's own insistence on taking shiro's classes when he didn't need to. neither are good things. ]
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He still thinks of Shiro as being taken, even with Matt gone - he's sure that Matt must be alive, still, no matter what the Garrison says. The Galra like taking captives, taking slaves of various stripes, and Matt is smart enough not to get himself killed if he can avoid it by being captured and biding his time until rescue or escape. The longer he's gone, though, the less likely that becomes, and it makes Keith so angry that the Garrison refuse to even try to mount a rescue mission - so many things make him angry, lately, and he's never been that good at controlling his temper in the first place. He's sure Shiro must be frustrated, too - the dragon hasn't chosen a new captain, has outright avoided putting himself back into any kind of combat role, and teaching suits him, but it must be maddening, not being able to do anything. ]
No, it's not that. [ Keith shakes his head, smiling faintly at Shiro's gently joking tone. Of course he doesn't have a question about the lesson itself, he's learned all of this already, but his performance has dropped sharply enough that no-one questions him taking all of Shiro's lessons. Sometimes he even gets assigned to the class as a punishment, as though taking remedial classes is what he needs - lectures to calm him down.
That's not going to work. ]
I just, uh. [ He pauses - it's hard to get privacy in such a huge space, but at least they're alone now. Still, he's a touch cautious. ] ... I was wondering if you wanted to take a break from working so hard.
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but if he has too much free time now, at least he doesn't have to make excuses to anyone to find time for keith. matt had never minded, believing firmly that dragons should be allowed to have friends like any other sentient being, and he didn't care if keith and shiro spent time together or if shiro felt like going somewhere by himself. other riders had looked sideways at them for that, given the way the garrison deliberately preached about the unbreakable devotion between dragon and captain, but shiro had never felt like he was being disloyal or too independent just because he and matt didn't spend every second of the day together. there was no reason to encourage dragons to believe that they couldn't do anything when their riders were gone, and that all they had to do with their time was sit and wait, like a powered down machine, until their captain was with them again. and shiro liked being around the cadets and hatchlings, while most dragons were happy when their promotions to combat class got them away from the training facilities.
he ought to tell keith that he's fine, that he doesn't need to be fussed over just because he spaced out during a lesson. he's been aggressively fine ever since he got back, and he's practiced at faking it, but he ducks his head a little, unconsciously, rubbing a claw against the side of his head in rueful embarrassment. ]
I'm fine, Keith, I'm just-- a little tired. [ dragons can't smile, of course, but he noses at keith's shoulder gently. ] I don't have another class today, though, and all I was going to do today was practice maneuvers and maybe run the obstacle course. Did you have something in mind?
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He raises a hand to pat Shiro's nose when the dragon bumps his shoulder with it, characteristically gentle in the motion, and he smiles with an eagerness that's been lacking from his life, lately. ]
I'd like to watch you run the obstacle course. [ Watching Shiro fly and navigate obstacles was always exciting - Matt had liked to tease him about how much he liked watching Shiro follow the same course every day, shaking his head and wondering if Keith would ever get bored of it. Matt preferred to spend his time studying while Shiro was busy, catching up on what scientific journals he could get his hands on, going against the Garrison's insistence on riders and dragons spending all their time together. Both Matt and Shiro had been happier when they didn't try to force themselves into that kind of co-dependence, Keith thought. ]
And, uh, after you're done, maybe we could... race to the shack? I've been working on my hover-bike, she goes really fast now.
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and matt, too, hadn't come from a proper rider background, and hadn't had the same lectures repeated at him that the other cadets did. matt had no illusions that he knew more about aerial combat than shiro himself. both of them were probably bad influences on keith, in hindsight.
it's considered gauche for someone who wasn't a rider to pet a dragon's face and the softer scales of the nose, and a responsible adult dragon wasn't supposed to encourage attachment. shiro deliberately ignores all of that, and hums approvingly under keith's hand, even angling his head to get keith to continue his petting. keith had never been awkward about touching him. ]
You've seen me run the obstacle course a thousand times, by now, [ he rumbles, pretending it's not endearing that keith never gets tired of watching him train. ] You'd rather race.
[ shiro would rather race too. the isolation of the desert highways appeals to him, along with the thought of a blazing hot sun and nice warm thermals, and he secretly, guiltily loved watching keith push his hover-bike into dangerous maneuvers at breakneck speed. ]
Loser has to scrub all the sand off the winner. [ he says, as if it's a given that he'll win, as there isn't much chance of him being able to groom keith in reverse. ]
And-- I should show you something, when we're alone.
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If he ever does bond with a dragon, he's determined to treat it the same way he does Shiro, more or less, even if the other riders and dragons at the Garrison look at him askance for it. They do already, anyway, because of how easily he touches Shiro's face despite not being a rider himself yet. Matt had never minded, and it made Shiro happy.
He smiles as Shiro hums in approval, and takes the hint to keep petting his face, stroking a hand over his nose, where the scales were softer. ]
Well, yeah, but that doesn't mean I'm tired of it. [ He'd happily watch Shiro run the obstacle course another thousand times, but he has to admit that the dragon has a point. Racing with him is a little more exciting. ]
Oh, you're on. You'll be licking sand out of my hair in no time. [ His smile turns into a grin - there isn't much chance that he'll beat Shiro, realistically, but he never shies away from the challenge of it, especially when Shiro sounds so confident. ]
... Okay. Show me when we get to the shack.
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but keith should know what's happening to him. keith is the one person that he knows, bone deep, won't betray his confidence, and maybe talking to keith about it will calm some of the panic he keeps suppressing. shapechanging is only supposed to happen to a dragon in a bonded pair, and after years of exposure to human DNA, or something along those lines. the human scientists were at a loss to explain its specific mechanics, and the dragons themselves didn't have any answers either. it was just something that happened, they said.
shiro is sure it's not something that just happened to him. the galra must have something to do with it, and that frightens him more than anything. only bonded dragons with long-term partners and deep emotional connections have ever been reported to shapeshift.
he doesn't let any of that anxiety into his voice or his manner, huffing over keith's hair to ruffle it into a mess. ]
I'll take a weight handicap, and ask one of the ground crews to put me in harness.
[ he says it like he's doing keith a favor, but the truth is he's uneasy these days about going anywhere without proper equipment for a battle. he doesn't care if it's unfounded paranoia. if anything, anything should happen, he has to be able to fight or flee and carry keith with him. his crew had been on the ground when they were attacked.
which is why he can't even carry the pretense that the harness is a whim, and after a bare second he puts his head down anxiously despite himself. ]
...and you should bring your flying harness. And a weapon. Just in case.
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Except for when he's with Shiro, alone, like this. Somehow, being around the dragon calms him down, lets him relax. He makes a mock-offended noise at having his hair so thoroughly messed up, and attempts to straighten it out.
He'd be offended at Shiro taking a weight handicap, but... then the dragon's anxiety shows itself, and Keith has to pause, voice getting softer. ]
Shiro...
[ He can't blame Shiro for wanting to be careful. They should be safe, the shack is out in the desert but it's not that far from the Garrison, well within safely protected territory. Galra raiding parties never get that deep, even when they manage to breach border defences. But still, if there's a chance that something could go wrong... ]
Nothing's going to happen. But I'll go get my harness - it'll even us up a little. [ Not that Keith's flying harness is anything like a comparable weight to Shiro's. ] And you know I'm always armed.
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it had never bothered him as much as it does now. his tail lashes once, like a cat's, as he tries to make himself believe keith's assurance. of course it was highly unlikely that they'd be attacked so near the base, and of course shiro is an experienced veteran, well-trained in dozens of different emergency scenarios. this is normal for them, and vital for keith, who needs the outlet of escaping the base's walls from time to time. he doesn't know why he's acting like a newly bonded hatchling all of a sudden, spooking at shadows.
well. he does know, but he can't let himself dwell on his own feelings. the garrison doesn't have any use for dragons or soldiers that are afraid. ]
You're right. [ it would, he knows, be beyond irresponsible for him to encourage keith to carry a gun he doesn't have a permit for. ] I'm sure nothing will happen.
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Besides, he's going to be sticking close to Shiro. With a veteran dragon watching his back, he should be fine. Just being with Shiro makes him feel safer, calming some of his more paranoid instincts.
He's still never let go of his knife, though. ]
It won't. [ He reassures Shiro, again, then pats his nose and steps back. ] Alright, I'll meet you at the gate once I've got everything.
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[ right. and if he doesn't let keith go get ready, this won't happen at all.
it takes longer than he'd like to get rigged out, mostly from him having to argue with the ground crews over why, exactly, he needed to be put in harness when he didn't have a captain or a specific assigned mission. more human rules, irritating in their restrictions on his freedom. after being held captive by a hostile force, it's more than a little maddening to be constrained by his own side.
but he argues, and the ground crews have other work to be done and no senior officer in sight to foist shiro off on, so they put him in a scout rig, the lightest and briefest harness. shiro almost says something about his desire for more armor, and swallows it down. that's just... something he needs to get over.
the flight tower accepts his request without question, at least, perhaps assuming by his rig that he was on assignment, or that the labcoats wanted him to perform for testing again. he lands at the gate in a flurry of wings, snorting the dust from his nostrils. ]
Ready to go?