[ Keith isn't surprised that the others have trouble accepting that he's Galra and still himself. After all, he'd had enough trouble coming to terms with the idea himself, unable to speak the awful suspicion dwelling in his thoughts until he was forced to confront it at the Marmora base. He'd been forced to confront a lot of things that day, left shaken and bruised and with more questions left unanswered, but he'd made his choice. He'd chosen Voltron and the fate of the universe over finding out more about himself, his past, his parents, and it seemed like giving up had been the right thing to do, for once, because it meant choosing a different fight.
He'd left the Marmora base with Shiro, and Red, and his awakened blade, and a suit that they said would help him to master awakening the blade and connect with his Galra nature, and eventually unlock the very answers he'd been about to give up on finding. It fit snugly under his Paladin armor, looking a little strange but not interfering with anything.
And then he'd gotten back to the Castle, and seen the looks on all their faces when they heard the truth. Allura was the most obviously affected, and he'd been expecting it - he'd been afraid of it, but there was nothing he could do. She deserved to hate him, after everything the Galra had done to her, taken from her, even if some Galra really weren't like that. It was the way the others reacted to him that really stung, the way Hunk started calling him Galra Keith like he was a different person, the look in their eyes even when they were saying that it didn't matter betraying their uncertainty about him now.
It was how Shiro's gaze faltered when he looked at him that hurt. But the Galra took his arm from him, tortured him, so it wasn't as if Keith deserved more, was it? He could still play his part in the team, prove to them all that he was still the same person, that he was still Keith, that they could trust him.
Then Red growled at him.
He was having trouble syncing up and forming Voltron, and then Red growled at him, and on top of the looks and the whispers and the way he felt frozen out of things, it was too much. He turned to the only people he thought he could - the people he didn't necessarily like or trust, but who might know how he felt in this moment, might have the answers he needed. The Marmora. They'd told him that they didn't know everything about the Lions, but that it was possible that his internal conflict over who he really was could be disrupting the bond, and that he should come back to their base and learn more about Galra culture until he understood himself. He was pretty reluctant, at first, but he needed to do whatever he could to re-establish his bond with Red. The others tried to caution him, but... well, of course they would. They didn't trust the Marmora fully, because they were Galra.
Just like him.
That's how he ended up back with the Marmora, flying there in a pod with supplies this time, determined to learn more about himself and all Galra this time. But it was tough - they were still secretive, even if they welcomed him as one of their own this time, and he had to fight to prove himself even here. Had to spend long hours training and fighting and studying, in his suit. Slowly, he opened up to them about how the rest of his team had lost their trust in him, with self-deprecatingly grumbled comments at first. They'd shared knowing looks and told him that that... probably affected his ability to pilot Red, too. It definitely affected his ability to form Voltron, so there was no point in rushing back until he was sure he'd fixed things, no matter how often they might try to call him back.
It didn't seem like they called that often, though.
One day, Kolivan had come to him, done something with the suit to let him see Shiro - or a projection of him, anyway. He'd talked lowly about how they knew what he wanted, even if he didn't know it himself; how this was the only way he could have that, because he'd seen it himself, how his true nature had driven a wedge between himself and his friends. He hadn't wanted to listen at first, had yelled and pushed Kolivan away.
But the longer he stays here, the more desperate he becomes to see that gentle, trusting look that used to be in Shiro's eyes when he saw him, and the more powerful the illusion the suit creates. Until he finally breaks down in Shiro's - in Kolivan's arms, and he knows it's wrong but it feels right. Maybe this is the only place he belongs, even if he has to wear a mask to hide his freaky face, even if they're hard on him and keep their secrets closely. At least they're giving him a chance to prove himself, while it feels like he's already lost his chance with the Paladins. ]
[ the decision for keith to stay with the blades hadn't sat well with shiro and still doesn't, but it was keith's decision. shiro doesn't feel differently towards him, knowing he's galra, but apparently the others do, and they can't stay synchronized long enough to form voltron. in that sense, tactically, it doesn't matter if keith is at the castle or with the blades.
he still doesn't like it. he doesn't like the way allura can't quite hide her own feelings on the subject. he doesn't like the others saying "galra keith," like keith had become someone else.
and he doesn't like how the blades act like keith had gone to permanently join them. shiro tries to contact their base and is told that keith isn't available, that he's asleep, that he's training and can't be interrupted. there isn't a good time for shiro to come in person, or for keith to leave. kolivan tells him that keith is working on becoming more in tune with his true nature, and his tone sets shiro's teeth on edge.
but maybe that's shiro's jealousy talking. maybe being away from them is what keith needs and maybe shiro doesn't have the right to decide for him, or try to influence him.
after a week and a half without contact, shiro decides that he needs to try to see keith anyway. he takes black and he flies that stupid tricky route and he bangs on the damn door, trying to raise keith on his personal communicator. ]
Keith, it's Shiro! I'm here, please respond. I'm at the Marmora base with Black. Can you hear me?
[ Keith is in his room, recovering from the first training session of the day, and the first... visit from Kolivan to help him burn off the adrenaline afterwards. It's become part of his routine here, now, for Kolivan to come and let the illusion of Shiro bleed over him, and give Keith encouragement in Shiro's voice and words, touch him with Shiro's hands, as a kind of reward for doing well in his training. And he is doing well, in the combat aspects at least - other things are taking more time to master, but one thing he's good at is fighting.
He's been encouraged to put away everything from his other life - other lives, really - to wear the Blades suit and leave his clothes in his closet out of view, put anything important into storage for later, when he feels more comfortable with himself. But some part of him is still suspicious and rebellious enough to keep his personal communicator somewhere close at hand at all times, to wear it when it won't be visible to anyone else, or at least hide it under his pillow when he can't wear it without being noticed. So he hears Shiro's message, although it's slightly muffled until he startles up and grabs the communicator from under the pillow, shoving it into its proper place behind his ear. ]
Shiro...? What are you doing here?
[ He's really confused, okay.
Meanwhile, the Blades aren't happy that they have the Black lion parked right outside their base and her Paladin knocking at their door. The base is a quiet storm of activity as Kolivan and the others try to decide how to handle this - opening the door isn't the first thing they want to do. Instead they try hailing Shiro to tell him to leave. ]
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Galra Keith
He'd left the Marmora base with Shiro, and Red, and his awakened blade, and a suit that they said would help him to master awakening the blade and connect with his Galra nature, and eventually unlock the very answers he'd been about to give up on finding. It fit snugly under his Paladin armor, looking a little strange but not interfering with anything.
And then he'd gotten back to the Castle, and seen the looks on all their faces when they heard the truth. Allura was the most obviously affected, and he'd been expecting it - he'd been afraid of it, but there was nothing he could do. She deserved to hate him, after everything the Galra had done to her, taken from her, even if some Galra really weren't like that. It was the way the others reacted to him that really stung, the way Hunk started calling him Galra Keith like he was a different person, the look in their eyes even when they were saying that it didn't matter betraying their uncertainty about him now.
It was how Shiro's gaze faltered when he looked at him that hurt. But the Galra took his arm from him, tortured him, so it wasn't as if Keith deserved more, was it? He could still play his part in the team, prove to them all that he was still the same person, that he was still Keith, that they could trust him.
Then Red growled at him.
He was having trouble syncing up and forming Voltron, and then Red growled at him, and on top of the looks and the whispers and the way he felt frozen out of things, it was too much. He turned to the only people he thought he could - the people he didn't necessarily like or trust, but who might know how he felt in this moment, might have the answers he needed. The Marmora. They'd told him that they didn't know everything about the Lions, but that it was possible that his internal conflict over who he really was could be disrupting the bond, and that he should come back to their base and learn more about Galra culture until he understood himself. He was pretty reluctant, at first, but he needed to do whatever he could to re-establish his bond with Red. The others tried to caution him, but... well, of course they would. They didn't trust the Marmora fully, because they were Galra.
Just like him.
That's how he ended up back with the Marmora, flying there in a pod with supplies this time, determined to learn more about himself and all Galra this time. But it was tough - they were still secretive, even if they welcomed him as one of their own this time, and he had to fight to prove himself even here. Had to spend long hours training and fighting and studying, in his suit. Slowly, he opened up to them about how the rest of his team had lost their trust in him, with self-deprecatingly grumbled comments at first. They'd shared knowing looks and told him that that... probably affected his ability to pilot Red, too. It definitely affected his ability to form Voltron, so there was no point in rushing back until he was sure he'd fixed things, no matter how often they might try to call him back.
It didn't seem like they called that often, though.
One day, Kolivan had come to him, done something with the suit to let him see Shiro - or a projection of him, anyway. He'd talked lowly about how they knew what he wanted, even if he didn't know it himself; how this was the only way he could have that, because he'd seen it himself, how his true nature had driven a wedge between himself and his friends. He hadn't wanted to listen at first, had yelled and pushed Kolivan away.
But the longer he stays here, the more desperate he becomes to see that gentle, trusting look that used to be in Shiro's eyes when he saw him, and the more powerful the illusion the suit creates. Until he finally breaks down in Shiro's - in Kolivan's arms, and he knows it's wrong but it feels right. Maybe this is the only place he belongs, even if he has to wear a mask to hide his freaky face, even if they're hard on him and keep their secrets closely. At least they're giving him a chance to prove himself, while it feels like he's already lost his chance with the Paladins. ]
no subject
he still doesn't like it. he doesn't like the way allura can't quite hide her own feelings on the subject. he doesn't like the others saying "galra keith," like keith had become someone else.
and he doesn't like how the blades act like keith had gone to permanently join them. shiro tries to contact their base and is told that keith isn't available, that he's asleep, that he's training and can't be interrupted. there isn't a good time for shiro to come in person, or for keith to leave. kolivan tells him that keith is working on becoming more in tune with his true nature, and his tone sets shiro's teeth on edge.
but maybe that's shiro's jealousy talking. maybe being away from them is what keith needs and maybe shiro doesn't have the right to decide for him, or try to influence him.
after a week and a half without contact, shiro decides that he needs to try to see keith anyway. he takes black and he flies that stupid tricky route and he bangs on the damn door, trying to raise keith on his personal communicator. ]
Keith, it's Shiro! I'm here, please respond. I'm at the Marmora base with Black. Can you hear me?
no subject
He's been encouraged to put away everything from his other life - other lives, really - to wear the Blades suit and leave his clothes in his closet out of view, put anything important into storage for later, when he feels more comfortable with himself. But some part of him is still suspicious and rebellious enough to keep his personal communicator somewhere close at hand at all times, to wear it when it won't be visible to anyone else, or at least hide it under his pillow when he can't wear it without being noticed. So he hears Shiro's message, although it's slightly muffled until he startles up and grabs the communicator from under the pillow, shoving it into its proper place behind his ear. ]
Shiro...? What are you doing here?
[ He's really confused, okay.
Meanwhile, the Blades aren't happy that they have the Black lion parked right outside their base and her Paladin knocking at their door. The base is a quiet storm of activity as Kolivan and the others try to decide how to handle this - opening the door isn't the first thing they want to do. Instead they try hailing Shiro to tell him to leave. ]