[ kolivan names him alta, which means something vaguely derogatory in galra, something like 'tiny' or 'runt.' matt doesn't mind. half the time he can't remember his own name, or where he is, or why he's here. he knows the feel of the twin knives in his hands means it's time to fight, or train.
he likes it at the marmora base. they don't try to touch him when he doesn't want to be touched, they don't try to talk to him when he doesn't want to listen. he has abilities that they don't entirely understand but they aren't scared of him. when he has needs, kolivan comes to him, or he comes to kolivan. his needs are met. he appreciates that.
the strangers disrupt his life, disrupt the balance he's managed to find for himself. he looks at them and understands their speech before the translator runs it, he smells the half-galra scent off the smaller one (keith, his name is keith) and the unhealthy tang of druid off the taller one.
he follows them. he would've, even if kolivan hadn't made it an order to stay with them, protect them. matt doesn't know if he's meant to be a spy or a bodyguard or both, or neither. he drifts through their castle ship like a ghost, trailing his fingers over their belongings, their furniture, feeling their auras lingering. they're bright, somehow.
he likes shiro's room. he was given one of his own but he doesn't use it, preferring to make himself safe places in various parts of the castle and the hangar.
when his heat comes on he starts making himself a nest, pilfering sheets and laundry and blankets and pillows. kolivan would've been able to smell it. he shadows shiro more closely as the dominant male of the group, waiting for him to notice. ]
[ He trusts the Galra as much as he can, because Ulaz died a good man and if he can't trust anyone then what good is he as a leader? He weighs the consequences when and where he can, and tries to determine what is appropriate risk. Allura doesn't care for it - doesn't trust them, but he's not sure she understands his mentality. How they have to do this - they have to believe there's some good in the universe out there with all that bad. It can't just be them and the planets they save.
So he trusts. Kolivan works with him and together, they make a deal, they agree to help each other where they can. It's a tentative trust, especially after everything with Keith, but they work through it. The shadow is the unexpected part though. He does what he can to try and include him with the discussions, to acknowledge his presence but he doesn't seem terribly interested. Hell, Shiro doesn't know if it's even a he- if there's even a gender under there because humanoid didn't necessarily mean anything, and armor blocked a great deal.
Whatever, or whoever it is, doesn't matter either. They keep to themselves and they follow orders; Kolivan explains precious little about him but trusts him and Shiro looks at Alta, hopes, and trusts, too.
Thus far it's not misplaced. He's a little strange, but shadow isn't far off from what he is, most of the time. Shiro feels like he's talking at him rather than with him, but it feels weird not to. It's only when the following starts to become more intense that Shiro finally stops him and pulls him off to the side. ]
I know...you don't speak much but I need you to help me with this, alright? Are you worried the something here might hurt you?
[ his mask modulates his speech, lending it a robotic echo. he doesn't like the way it sounds, which is why he tries not to talk much, but he doesn't like the way he sounds without it either.
he tilts his head to indicate his confusion, and then shakes it. no, he's not worried that anything here on the castle ship is going to hurt him. ]
[ He's really at a loss here. There aren't a whole lot of options that he can really point to as a reason for this and he's not inclined to let it continue without knowing at least why. ]
To...follow me around. Does he not trust me to do the right thing?
[ If he doesn't trust Shiro in return, it's a little baffling he'd be this strange about it. It's both obvious and indirect which isn't exactly how he pictured the man handling something. Obvious and direct seemed far more likely. ]
[ this has very little to do with kolivan or his orders. he rests one of his hands on shiro's forearm-- the metal one. the one that smells of quintessence and druid magic. ]
[ Shiro stills at that, his jaw clenching a little tighter. It's not like he hasn't thought about it a thousand times, but he hasn't ever asked. Kolivan had asked him to take care of whatever Alta needed but hadn't specified. He figured he'd see something about missing limbs and would just take him in to be looked at by Pidge when Shiro did his own maintenance reviews and it would be alright. Nonchalant, maybe. He can't imagine a sensitive way to broaching what sort of torture they went through.
This isn't quite how he imagines doing that and he takes another moment, swallows and tries not to feel any guilt when he knows it's not his fualt that someone else was experimented on by the druids. You can't save everyone. ]
[ He wants to flinch back but it feels too much like being a dog, mistrusting his owner's hand. He's stronger than that. Besides, whoever this was - they were at the mercy of the Druids too. Slowly, Shiro drags in a breath and then forces himself to nod. ]
I lost a fight doing something stupid. They took the arm because it wasn't going to be saved anyway but I was too valuable to just let die, so they -- fixed it.
[ There's no missing the way Shiro grits his teeth on the word fixed. ]
'Fixed it,' [ he echoes, still trailing his gloved fingers over shiro's body. he moves from the ball of his shoulder to his neck, coasting feather-light over the uniform collar. ]
[ The other paladins are tactile to a point, but it's not like this. Shiro's not quite sure what to file this under. Curiosity? ]
It doesn't matter.
[ Which is as close as he can get to saying don't ask about it without seeming too suspicious. Either way, he has a feeling the other person knows. What else is a deliberate question and the Druids were known for their cruelty. ]
[ yeah he doesn't bother to reply to that. he strokes the edge of his thumb along shiro's jawline and then steps back, turning away to walk down the hallway. he's expecting that shiro will follow him. ]
Your Galra cub isn't mature yet. Hasn't had a rut. Have you?
[ That touch is way too familiar for it to be normal. Shiro frowns further and starts after him on instinct, jaw clenched tightly. ]
My -- what? Who?
[ There aren't any Galra cubs here, there aren't even any other Galra except - oh. Oh, Keith. Shiro frowns even further and then grabs at the stranger's shoulder to stop him, the grip tight but not bruising. ]
Did I know you? Back when I was taken by the Galra. I don't-- I don't remember everything but you act like you're familiar with me.
[ underneath the mask where no one can see, he rolls his eyes. sometimes he likes that no one can see the expressions he makes, especially when his body starts doing things he doesn't understand. he doesn't like it when water drips from his eyes, or when his lips make strange shapes without him causing them to move.
it's annoying to have his questions answered with other questions. he decides, spitefully, that the answer is 'yes' and that shiro is too frightened to admit it. shiro often smells like fear, although he doesn't think any of the others notice it, not even the trueborn galra among the blades. it might just be his own enhanced senses. it might not even be real. he smells things that aren't real, sometimes, or at least things that no one else says they can smell.
shiro grabs his shoulder, and he stops. the hallway wavers around them for a moment, becoming... someplace much brighter, someplace he doesn't recognize. a sensor inside his armor beeps softly to let him know that the spike in his vitals doesn't match stimulus from his outside environment, indicating that he's only experiencing a memory.
[ That just makes more questions rise up than he has answers for, and he's not sure he's going to get anywhere trying to pry things out of whoever this is.
Being aggressive isn't going to help, either. Shiro curls his hand around the curve of the stranger's shoulder a moment, holds there and then releases with an unsteady breath out and a frown. ]
You don't smell familiar but you seem familiar.
[ Gently, he nudges him toward Shiro's room. ]
Come on, if we both want answers, let's not stick in the hallway.
[ well alright, if shiro's going to invite him back to his room, which is ultimately where he'd been hoping to end up anyway. he trails obligingly after shiro, maybe sticking a bit too close, and he doesn't wait for shiro to invite him in, striding inside like he's familiar with the interior.
also he makes a beeline for shiro's bunk like he's familiar with that, too, seating himself comfortably. ]
Kolivan said he would explain to you about me. Did he not?
[ His shadow sticks close, unsurprisingly and Shiro barely resists the urge to glance back every so often and see what's going on with him; if he's looking around, or if he's focused on Shiro's back. He figures it's the latter, given his behavior so far.
Once inside, he settles on Shiro's bed like it's his own room and while Shiro doesn't mind, it's...a little weird, really. Hesitating, he glances between bed and chair and settles at his desk instead, scooting the chair over until he is in front of where the other man sits on the bed. ]
He mentioned that I might need to help you, sometimes. He didn't...specify with what or when?
[ typical kolivan. he had probably said something like 'you'll know what you need to do.' his lip curls beneath his mask. kolivan was a great believer in esoteric concepts like self-knowledge and being guided by instinct. alta had always found that irritating, despite being even more of an instinct-driven creature than any of the blades.
he extends an arm and begins, meticulously, to undo the buckles and seals of his armored gauntlet. ]
The Galra see themselves as ideal. Best warriors, strongest species. The Druids change us to be more like them.
[ he pulls and unlatches as he speaks, and when he's finished he's left with his bare hand and forearm. his very human-looking bare hand and forearm. he makes a careful fist. ]
[ He's got a sinking feeling he knows what's being asked here and it makes his skin crawl. Bad enough the Galra did it to him, bad enough that they'd even consider doing it to others. It confirms his suspicion that the stranger isn't Galra, though, despite his outfit and association with them.
Of course, when the gauntlet starts to come off, Shiro frowns even further. ]
I've...dealt with it as best as I can.
[ If Alta simply needs to jerk himself off to get rid of the rut, then that's that. Of course, any t rain of thought gets derailed the moment he sees a very human hand underneath, his eyes going wide. ]
You're -- Why didn't you say something? None of us were sure if we ought to ask or not.
[ The idea that Kolivan's been helping with his rut is-- well, not what he expected, but at least it's some context. It's the mention of Keith that has his hackles raising just a little bit, head shaking. ]
No. Not -- Keith stays out of this. And you should-- no. Nevermind. Whenever I go into what the Galra call rut, I stay in my room for a day or two. Why does Kolivan need to help?
[ that's interesting. he notes shiro's response but misinterprets
it, assuming that he must be protective of his own status as the alpha male
in the team. ]
Kolivan needed to help because I trigger his rut with my heat, and he is
the dominant male in his territory. If he did not choose me, the others
would have hurt each other fighting to claim me.
[ a pause, considering, ]
Or I would have hurt them, demanding their attention.
[ Each set of answers only leads to more questions and Shiro's skin prickles, anxiety twisting in his belly. ]
You can't deal with it yourself?
[ It's not hard to get a toy or something and lock himself away for the time that it takes for the rut to pass - or, in rarer circumstances, to simply swallow everything down until a mission ends and he can be a recluse again for the time it takes to pass. ]
Haven't the Galra come up with something to...stifle it? Or stop it?
[ He hasn't asked the Alteans since they wouldn't know, probably, but maybe asking the Blade would work. ]
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he likes it at the marmora base. they don't try to touch him when he doesn't want to be touched, they don't try to talk to him when he doesn't want to listen. he has abilities that they don't entirely understand but they aren't scared of him. when he has needs, kolivan comes to him, or he comes to kolivan. his needs are met. he appreciates that.
the strangers disrupt his life, disrupt the balance he's managed to find for himself. he looks at them and understands their speech before the translator runs it, he smells the half-galra scent off the smaller one (keith, his name is keith) and the unhealthy tang of druid off the taller one.
he follows them. he would've, even if kolivan hadn't made it an order to stay with them, protect them. matt doesn't know if he's meant to be a spy or a bodyguard or both, or neither. he drifts through their castle ship like a ghost, trailing his fingers over their belongings, their furniture, feeling their auras lingering. they're bright, somehow.
he likes shiro's room. he was given one of his own but he doesn't use it, preferring to make himself safe places in various parts of the castle and the hangar.
when his heat comes on he starts making himself a nest, pilfering sheets and laundry and blankets and pillows. kolivan would've been able to smell it. he shadows shiro more closely as the dominant male of the group, waiting for him to notice. ]
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So he trusts. Kolivan works with him and together, they make a deal, they agree to help each other where they can. It's a tentative trust, especially after everything with Keith, but they work through it. The shadow is the unexpected part though. He does what he can to try and include him with the discussions, to acknowledge his presence but he doesn't seem terribly interested. Hell, Shiro doesn't know if it's even a he- if there's even a gender under there because humanoid didn't necessarily mean anything, and armor blocked a great deal.
Whatever, or whoever it is, doesn't matter either. They keep to themselves and they follow orders; Kolivan explains precious little about him but trusts him and Shiro looks at Alta, hopes, and trusts, too.
Thus far it's not misplaced. He's a little strange, but shadow isn't far off from what he is, most of the time. Shiro feels like he's talking at him rather than with him, but it feels weird not to. It's only when the following starts to become more intense that Shiro finally stops him and pulls him off to the side. ]
I know...you don't speak much but I need you to help me with this, alright? Are you worried the something here might hurt you?
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he tilts his head to indicate his confusion, and then shakes it. no, he's not worried that anything here on the castle ship is going to hurt him. ]
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Okay. Did Kolivan ask you to do this?
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[ he tugs at the uncomfortable neck of his armor, wishing he could yank all of it off. ]
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[ If he doesn't trust Shiro in return, it's a little baffling he'd be this strange about it. It's both obvious and indirect which isn't exactly how he pictured the man handling something. Obvious and direct seemed far more likely. ]
Or is it something else?
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[ this has very little to do with kolivan or his orders. he rests one of his hands on shiro's forearm-- the metal one. the one that smells of quintessence and druid magic. ]
You're like me, but less. Changed.
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This isn't quite how he imagines doing that and he takes another moment, swallows and tries not to feel any guilt when he knows it's not his fualt that someone else was experimented on by the druids. You can't save everyone. ]
Can I ask what they did?
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[ he slides his hand up the metal arm slowly, palm flattening over shiro's bicep and then cupping his shoulder. ]
Changed you. Made your body different. Right?
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I lost a fight doing something stupid. They took the arm because it wasn't going to be saved anyway but I was too valuable to just let die, so they -- fixed it.
[ There's no missing the way Shiro grits his teeth on the word fixed. ]
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What else?
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It doesn't matter.
[ Which is as close as he can get to saying don't ask about it without seeming too suspicious. Either way, he has a feeling the other person knows. What else is a deliberate question and the Druids were known for their cruelty. ]
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Your Galra cub isn't mature yet. Hasn't had a rut. Have you?
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My -- what? Who?
[ There aren't any Galra cubs here, there aren't even any other Galra except - oh. Oh, Keith. Shiro frowns even further and then grabs at the stranger's shoulder to stop him, the grip tight but not bruising. ]
Did I know you? Back when I was taken by the Galra. I don't-- I don't remember everything but you act like you're familiar with me.
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it's annoying to have his questions answered with other questions. he decides, spitefully, that the answer is 'yes' and that shiro is too frightened to admit it. shiro often smells like fear, although he doesn't think any of the others notice it, not even the trueborn galra among the blades. it might just be his own enhanced senses. it might not even be real. he smells things that aren't real, sometimes, or at least things that no one else says they can smell.
shiro grabs his shoulder, and he stops. the hallway wavers around them for a moment, becoming... someplace much brighter, someplace he doesn't recognize. a sensor inside his armor beeps softly to let him know that the spike in his vitals doesn't match stimulus from his outside environment, indicating that he's only experiencing a memory.
he gets them more often around shiro. ]
You smell familiar. Sometimes. Do I?
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Being aggressive isn't going to help, either. Shiro curls his hand around the curve of the stranger's shoulder a moment, holds there and then releases with an unsteady breath out and a frown. ]
You don't smell familiar but you seem familiar.
[ Gently, he nudges him toward Shiro's room. ]
Come on, if we both want answers, let's not stick in the hallway.
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[ well alright, if shiro's going to invite him back to his room, which is ultimately where he'd been hoping to end up anyway. he trails obligingly after shiro, maybe sticking a bit too close, and he doesn't wait for shiro to invite him in, striding inside like he's familiar with the interior.
also he makes a beeline for shiro's bunk like he's familiar with that, too, seating himself comfortably. ]
Kolivan said he would explain to you about me. Did he not?
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Once inside, he settles on Shiro's bed like it's his own room and while Shiro doesn't mind, it's...a little weird, really. Hesitating, he glances between bed and chair and settles at his desk instead, scooting the chair over until he is in front of where the other man sits on the bed. ]
He mentioned that I might need to help you, sometimes. He didn't...specify with what or when?
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he extends an arm and begins, meticulously, to undo the buckles and seals of his armored gauntlet. ]
The Galra see themselves as ideal. Best warriors, strongest species. The Druids change us to be more like them.
[ he pulls and unlatches as he speaks, and when he's finished he's left with his bare hand and forearm. his very human-looking bare hand and forearm. he makes a careful fist. ]
They make us want things that Galra want.
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Of course, when the gauntlet starts to come off, Shiro frowns even further. ]
I've...dealt with it as best as I can.
[ If Alta simply needs to jerk himself off to get rid of the rut, then that's that. Of course, any t rain of thought gets derailed the moment he sees a very human hand underneath, his eyes going wide. ]
You're -- Why didn't you say something? None of us were sure if we ought to ask or not.
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[ he tilts his head, mask still firmly in place. ]
What should I have said?
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That-- that doesn't make this better.
[ The idea that Kolivan's been helping with his rut is-- well, not what he expected, but at least it's some context. It's the mention of Keith that has his hackles raising just a little bit, head shaking. ]
No. Not -- Keith stays out of this. And you should-- no. Nevermind. Whenever I go into what the Galra call rut, I stay in my room for a day or two. Why does Kolivan need to help?
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[ that's interesting. he notes shiro's response but misinterprets it, assuming that he must be protective of his own status as the alpha male in the team. ]
Kolivan needed to help because I trigger his rut with my heat, and he is the dominant male in his territory. If he did not choose me, the others would have hurt each other fighting to claim me.
[ a pause, considering, ]
Or I would have hurt them, demanding their attention.
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You can't deal with it yourself?
[ It's not hard to get a toy or something and lock himself away for the time that it takes for the rut to pass - or, in rarer circumstances, to simply swallow everything down until a mission ends and he can be a recluse again for the time it takes to pass. ]
Haven't the Galra come up with something to...stifle it? Or stop it?
[ He hasn't asked the Alteans since they wouldn't know, probably, but maybe asking the Blade would work. ]
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Rut is designed to dwindle without receptive mates nearby. Heat-- increases. Galra queens still die with fever if they are left alone.
[ although galra queens usually had their pick of mates or attendants. ]
The Galra have. I'm not Galra enough. But there are plenty of males on this ship to help me, if you're not interested.
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