dappered | (no subject)

[ the thing is, he's not mad at shiro. maybe he should be, but he's not, because he understands that going from ace pilot with promising space exploration career to prisoner of war to leader of a ten thousand year old resistance faction doesn't leave a lot of room for the smaller, interpersonal problems. pidge is the one with a real cause for a grudge, anyway, and shiro is so painfully, obviously, trying his best to be the leader they need. he doesn't deserve keith hunting him down in the middle of the night to talk about the fact that they had toed the fraternization line uncomfortably close during keith's academy days, and then he thought shiro was dead, and then he started getting weird fucking dreams about alien energies and maybe shiro not being dead, and then... everything else.

shiro is treating him like one of the guys and he understands why. it's easier that way. it's been years and they're both different people now, except keith still has those same dreams--not the ones that left him awake in the dark and sure that shiro was alive, sure that he was breathing somewhere, alone, needing, and so helpless that it hurt to breathe. no, these are the old academy standby, thinking of shiro leaning in close, shiro taking off his shirt for training, shiro finally turning around and seeing him looking. the kind of stupid fantasies that left him hard and wanting when he woke, frantically jerking off just so he could get up and function around shiro without popping wood.

(he still has the dreams about shiro being alone somewhere, every now and then. he gets up and paces down the hallways and brushes his hand over shiro's door, but he never hits the comm button. they have each other now, or something, he tells himself. the dreams are clearly some kind of influence from the lions, and they're all together now.)

anyway he has shiro back and there's still a fucking glass wall between them. no unnecessary touches. no late nights together in one of their rooms, even though all they had ever done was talk. it's frustrating as fuck and he gets it and he's trying really hard to be fucking understanding, trying not to push. allura had said that they might notice some influences from the lions, now that they'd all established a bond, that they might be more sensitive to each other, but keith doesn't feel sensitive so much as scraped raw, holding everything back. he wants to hit something all the time. he snaps at lance and flings himself into battle when he has the chance and he thinks sometimes he can feel shiro through that link they're all supposed to have, that hint of quiet strength coupled with some sort of strapped down emotion-- loneliness? pain? --but then it's gone and he's left wondering whether he imagined it in the first place.

they'd been encouraged to go and spend time with their lions to strengthen their mystic bonds or whatever, but here keith is guiltily fucking sneaking around the wrong hangar, running his hand carefully over the black lion's sleek metal skin. that tiny little place in the back of his head where his weird impulses and gut feelings come from isn't telling him that he's unwelcome, but he knows that this is kind of suspicious. ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Oh my god, who would I tell. [ he hisses, biting at keith’s mouth. what’s he going to do, get up on the table during lunch and announce that he’s been having psychic sex visions of keith and shiro? and that the red lion is an aggressive pervert that pushed him into making out with keith just to satisfy its own sense of symmetry between the black and red paladins? yeah, no.

and he’s not going to lay back and just let keith do whatever he wants or follow his orders, hell no, nobody said that keith gets to call the shots here, lance isn’t going to be submissive for him. except the eyes closed thing might actually be a good idea if keith is going to lean into him like that, pressing their foreheads together. somehow that feels horribly intimate all on its own-- actually it feels like what keith and shiro would do, have done, being quiet and close and together in a way that frankly terrifies lance. if keith is shiro, is lance supposed to be keith? act like keith? how does keith act around shiro? besotted, apparently, and lance is not besotted by or impressed with keith, at all, ever, over the top of the grumbles from the red lion trying to remind him that the black paladin is their leader and deserves lance’s respect and commitment and-- and devotion, gross, what do magic robot lions from space even know about devotion--

right, don’t think. don’t think. thinking is not his friend right now. he digs his fingers into keith’s shoulders, mostly because he doesn’t know what else to do with them-- he is not grabbing keith’s ass, no matter what the red lion helpfully suggests over the link. This kiss is less bite-y and it’s… it’s okay, it’s fine, it’s a little weird to feel keith’s tongue tracing his lips, he’s probably supposed to open his mouth for it, right? open his mouth and let keith push his tongue inside, but he’s not sure he wants that, why can’t keith open his mouth instead and lance will put his tongue in, how are they supposed to decide who does what, this had seemed so much less complicated in the movies.

his jacket is shoved to the floor without warning and then keith’s calloused warm fingers are curling around the aching shaft of his dick, and okay, okay, that’s good, that’s fine, he makes a whining noise into the kiss and opens his mouth for keith before remembering he wasn’t going to do that. ]

D-don’t-- [ should he be panting? he’s panting and they’re hardly even doing anything yet, his pulse hammering loudly in his ears. ] Don’t tell me what to do, asshole, you’re not in charge of me--