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Ratonhnhaké:ton | Connor ([personal profile] salvaticus) wrote in [community profile] dappered2013-05-27 02:58 pm

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It begins to unravel the moment he hears the phaser fire a stun blast. Kirk is young and emotional, a boy captain trying to lead from the front lines, the weight of his command slowing his reactions (the fear, Khan can smell it on him) and he'd thought perhaps, perhaps, that it would be possible to accomplish his goals without sacrificing any unnecessary pawns. Marcus was one man with one ship. Destroying an entire planetary organization down to the last rivet was a project too ambitious for his resources as they were; he needed allies more than he needed comprehensive annihilation, at least until his people were safe.

Hitting the deck of the Vengeance abruptly rewrites his priorities. When he re-awakens it is like his first awakening all over again, no allies, no honor, just cause and effect and calculations as a hostile, lesser species attempts to coerce and corner him. The warm spatter of Marcus's blood on his hands is hardly enough to make up for everything. Firing upon the Enterprise is neither entertaining nor part of his retribution, it is merely closing off a loose end. Who can be trusted with seventy-two lives, these days? Certainly not the Federation. Perhaps not even Khan himself, although he is doing his best for them. He wishes briefly for their counsel, for their material assistance, but those are not the variables he has been given. He must do this alone.

And then he is alone, the damned Vulcan sees to that, and the equation becomes even simpler. Take what he has and destroy as much as he can with it. Go out like a dying star. Show them what they are dealing with, that he cannot be controlled, cannot be collared, cannot be reduced.

They do reduce him, in the end. One single phrase. "They are alive," and the medical officer requires his blood to save the boy captain's life, and the Vulcan watches him with eyes as flat and cold as a cobra's, waiting for the opportunity to strike. Vulcans are a curious race. Khan rather respects their practicality, but they are so rarely brutal. This one is something new.

The Vulcan does not demand his cooperation, for demands can be refused. The Vulcan states what is and what will be, you will be held in custody until no further blood transfusions are required, you will then be tried as a criminal for the acts you committed as John Harrison, and what Khan really hears is 'I will kill you myself if he does not wake up.'

He accepts these terms, for he can do nothing else with his crew being held hostage. Again. His blood is a potent drug and the boy captain's body can only assimilate small amounts of it at a time. Khan is to be his personal blood bank for the foreseeable future, a shadow in the hospital and aboard the Enterprise for as long as it takes Kirk to recover completely. He wears shackles and a collar with a detonation device implanted inside (and sedatives, but Khan is under no illusions that the Vulcan who carries the codes will hesitate to choose the more lethal option) and a dark gray civilian jumpsuit with no insignia, no weapons, no access codes. 'Khan' is a tangled problem for the decimated Federation Command to wrestle over, he is John Harrison for the duration of his custody. Bones is happy to exclaim over the miracles in his DNA, happy to see the miraculous improvement in a radiation victim, but Khan doesn't answer his barrage of questions. He doesn't answer the interrogators that come to pry information out of him. He doesn't answer the Admiral's daughter, or Uhura, or the Vulcan, although he doesn't need to, as the Vulcan merely takes the data he requires out of Khan's mind until Khan learns how to block him out.

And then the boy captain wakes up and, with all his typical brashness, insists that he's fit for command. He wants to be present for the repairs. He wants his ship and his crew, argues that the medical bay there can treat the rest of his condition as well as an Earthside hospital can. He wants his chair back. He wants to know what happened to the Augments.

The cell walls are not as thick as people imagine them to be. Khan hears things, and the next time Bones comes by to take some of his blood, he speaks aloud for the first time in weeks, his voice rusty with disuse. He recites his name and serial number as a proper POW would, and waits to be taken to the captain.


jirk: (pic#6141368)

[personal profile] jirk 2013-05-27 11:44 pm (UTC)(link)
He's not fit for command. He knows it. Feels it, down in his bones.

(You know radiation affects bone marrow?)

But he doesn't let himself think about it, get lost in it. He has to be at his best, he has to push and recover. His resolve is cracked at the foundations but not broken, he just has to survive. Endure.

Dying haunts his dreams and chases the shadows of his waking thoughts, but living takes up the rest of it. He keeps himself busy writing reports and checking on everyone else's health and well-being. Writing letters to the families of those that he lost. It's an exercise in masochism, he doesn't even know if he'll ever send them (be allowed to send them, per Federation regulations) but it's... cathartic, to get it out. It keeps him humble.

'You don't respect the chair' Pike had told him. But Pike's dead and rotting in a Federation mausoleum somewhere and all Jim can think about is the fact that Khan's blood could have saved him if they'd known about its restorative properties. He doesn't think about that. He can't. It's like looking into an abyss and you know what? Maybe he's not ready for that, either.

It's a bitter thought, harsh and cold and self-flagellatory, and Jim clenches his hands until his knuckles are white with anger. He feels a lot of that these days, and he recognizes it as a symptom of his younger years. When he was so sure he was going to coast through life meaning nothing to anyone, when he was so tangled up in his father's legacy he couldn't even think about the consequence of carving his own.

Spock cried for him.

That still weirds him out.

They're well into the gamma shift when Bones calls him up on the comm, and Jim reaches out to steady the punching bag he's been whaling on for the better part of an hour. He tells everyone it's to build his strength back up, but the fact of the matter is he doesn't even need to. He's stronger than he was before and that-- it terrifies him. Khan's blood. Pulsing in his veins, through his heart, under his skin and sometimes he thinks he can even localize the way it burns. It saved his life, but he wants it gone. It feels too much like being in his debt, and Jim-- he hate that more than anything.

"Khan wants to talk to you," Bones' drawls, but the sheer cold of space is in his tone. "I think. Bastard just started reciting his credentials last time I bled him like a pig."

Jim starts unwrapping his knuckles. He'd been hitting the bag with everything he had but the skin stretched across the fine bones of his hands is completely without bruising. He flexes them. "I'm on my way, just-- clear everyone out, okay?"

"Jim--" Bones says, and it sounds like an argument waiting to happen. Something in him snaps.

"Kirk out." He hits the communicator harder than he needs to, and it sparks. Jim stares at it with venom, and leaves the grav-gym, pulling his black undershirt on over his head as he goes.

When he gets to the brig, there's absolutely no trace of emotion on his face. He's done showing this man his vulnerabilities.

"You wanted to see me?"
jirk: (pic#6069680)

[personal profile] jirk 2013-05-28 12:16 am (UTC)(link)
It does. Jim fights down the sudden surge of anger, like an ocean swell. He cocks his head to one side instead of giving into it.

"You remembered. I'm touched."
jirk: (pic#6141372)

[personal profile] jirk 2013-05-28 01:36 am (UTC)(link)
Khan's baiting him. This is a chess game, and he's on the offensive, and Jim has to remember to breathe. He has to think about it inorganically. Everything rendered down to annotations and checkered squares. He doesn't think about Pike or the people he lost or Spock's voice, right now I am failing.

Jim brings down the wall of the brig and steps inside. Brings it back up. Sits on the bench opposite Khan.

"What of them?"

The anger is washed out of his tone, gone from his shoulders. It's there. God, it's still there, but he's buried it deeper than the dead he carries with him now.
jirk: (pic#6213451)

[personal profile] jirk 2013-05-28 02:17 am (UTC)(link)
"Well, I'm not radioactive anymore." Jim's eyes are bright and his posture stays easy. Calm. Khan knows how to needle him, press in on the bruises and scars Jim knows he's aware of. But the more he does it, the easier it is to sink into the game. He'll lose himself if he goes too deep, but he's not worried about it. Not now.

"So I guess it's working out pretty well for one of us. Nice trick, by the way. I bet that you just hate that you're being used like a lab rat to save my life, huh? I bet that burns."
jirk: (pic#6198954)

[personal profile] jirk 2013-05-28 02:44 am (UTC)(link)
Jim's eyes flicker, a bare whisper of expression. "Bones synthesized your blood. No side effects."
jirk: (pic#6108051)

[personal profile] jirk 2013-05-28 03:22 am (UTC)(link)
"Let's talk about what you want, Khan," Jim says conversationally. He has one hand resting on his knee, elbow turned out and locked, and with his other hand he rubs at his mouth. "Let's talk about your crew."
jirk: (pic#6141382)

[personal profile] jirk 2013-05-28 03:48 am (UTC)(link)
"You've already cooperated," Jim points out. "And we both know you'd do anything for them. See, that's the problem, Khan. At the end of the day you know exactly what I'm capable of. But it's a two-way mirror." He hates saying it. He can hear the blood rushing in his ears, Khan's blood, and for a moment the edges of his vision are black.

"So no. I'm not going to hold them over your head. You saved my life. I'm not turning them over to the Federation. And I don't murder," and that word is stressed ever-so-faintly, "innocent people. They're safe and they'll stay that way, you have my word. But this thing - whatever it is - with you and me? I promise you, it's not finished."

Jim cants his head to one side, drops his hand away from his knee. "Would you have let my crew live if I hadn't stunned you?"
jirk: (Default)

[personal profile] jirk 2013-05-28 04:26 am (UTC)(link)
Jim watches him with interest, noting the shift in his body language. He knows those seventy two supersoldier-cicles is a sore spot with Khan, but he hadn't expected to hit the mark quite that efficiently.

"Try me."
jirk: (Default)

[personal profile] jirk 2013-05-28 05:46 am (UTC)(link)
Jim makes direct eye contact, unflinching. Searching for something. "So," he prompts. "Back at square one. Why did you want to talk to me?"
jirk: (Default)

[personal profile] jirk 2013-05-28 06:08 am (UTC)(link)
Except he'd been expecting it. Khan's been pushing him this entire conversation, guiding it to something, to a point, and Jim doesn't even flinch. If Khan kills him, his crew will just bring him back again. Jim's betting it would take a lot less blood to heal from a broken neck.

Then again, he doubts it would fix one of Khan's brain pancake specials. But in that case, the only thing he'd accomplish is jeopardizing his own crew.

Jim wouldn't do that, in Khan's position. He doubts the man himself would.

So he just raises an eyebrow. "You done?"
jirk: (pic#6146449)

[personal profile] jirk 2013-05-28 06:17 am (UTC)(link)
Jim's eyes narrow. "Talk."
jirk: (Default)

[personal profile] jirk 2013-05-28 06:31 am (UTC)(link)
Jim goes rigid at the sudden proximity, every instinct screaming at him to fight, to get out of there by whatever means necessary. But he doesn't. He just stands stock still, hands at his side, breathing only just elevated.

"I don't owe you any favours," he grounds out, instead.
jirk: (pic#6108047)

[personal profile] jirk 2013-05-28 07:05 am (UTC)(link)
Jim presses the pads of his fingers against the wall behind him to keep from lashing out. He hates people being in his space without invitation, especially when it's someone who's laid a beating into him as badly as the one Khan gave him on Marcus' ship.

But he's not afraid. Just distinctly uncomfortable, and he's not going to give Khan the satisfaction of seeing him sweat.

Bones' official report - and Spock's, which surprised him - as well as the testimonials of everyone on the ship tell the story of how Jim Kirk, recently radioactive, was stuffed full of drugs by the fast action and invaluable skills of the CMO and staff, flatlined once, and came back. That's it.

And it's not like it's not true. It's just... technicalities. Spock had told him that.

"First of all," he says, sliding sideways, away from Khan. "I do a pretty good job of keeping myself alive and unfettered. Second, when I say your crew is safe I mean that more than you can possibly understand. We detonated those missiles, Khan. That's what they know, that's all they know. And I already told you, nothing's changed."
jirk: (Default)

[personal profile] jirk 2013-05-28 07:37 am (UTC)(link)
He doesn't rise to the bait. He just looks at Khan and a muscle jumps in his jaw. "Or I strand you on some godforsaken planet in the middle of nowhere so far away from Federation space you will never find your way back." His tone is low.
jirk: (Default)

[personal profile] jirk 2013-06-06 10:38 pm (UTC)(link)
"I've been pretty busy the 'last several weeks'," he snaps out. His temper is fraying, one strand of titanium cord at a time. He steps away from the wall and circles back around to the center of the room, fighting to command the space.

"You don't get to talk to me about my crew."
jirk: (pic#6107916)

[personal profile] jirk 2013-06-07 01:24 am (UTC)(link)
"Or perhaps I don't think you have the right to talk about them like you're equals. These are the best men and women I've ever met. What're you? A jacked up remnant of another era who uses force and bullying to get what he wants. Yeah. Real superior. Good job with that, by the way." His temper ratchets up another notch, but he keeps his breathing even. Controls the rage. God, everything since he bowed over Pike's body has been so screwed up. Every emotion, every decision-- everything.

He remembers people falling past him when the Enterprise twisted in the air and the gravity failed, not being able to catch them. Hearing them scream.

Maybe that's why he went into that core. It was atonement as much as sacrifice. I'm sorry I couldn't save them.
jirk: (pic#6107529)

[personal profile] jirk 2013-06-07 01:35 am (UTC)(link)
He's ran that moment over and over again in his head so many times it doesn't even make him flinch. He just grits his teeth that much more, and exhales sharply. "Yeah? And?"
jirk: (pic#6141382)

[personal profile] jirk 2013-06-07 01:48 am (UTC)(link)
"Do you play chess, Khan?"

It might seem like it's out of left field, but it's not. Not really. Jim's expression is back to being restrained, and his tone is downright bland.
jirk: (pic#6069680)

[personal profile] jirk 2013-06-07 02:03 am (UTC)(link)
"Then you know that not every move means what you think it does, asshole. I never would have given you to Marcus, I was buying time. Why do you think I lied about where you were? He was going to kill you. Straight up. No trial. And I told you you were going to trial." Jim drags a hand through his hair, looking tired.
jirk: (Default)

[personal profile] jirk 2013-06-07 03:06 am (UTC)(link)
"I wasn't even talking about you," he says, irritated. "You really don't know how to read between the lines, do you? All that Übermensch genius floating around up there and you have no idea that what I was offering was my life. I was ready to let him kill me. Ready to let him blame everything on me, drag my name through the dirt just to save my crew. And maybe he would have killed you too, who knows. You're right, I'd have sacrificed you for my crew. But it wasn't on my mind."
jirk: (pic#6213768)

[personal profile] jirk 2013-06-10 03:34 pm (UTC)(link)
"Then what the hell is your problem?"

Yeah, he's mad.